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Relationships: A Golden Opportunity Can Lead Be Changed to Gold?

July 6, 2017


In medieval Europe in the 1100s there were chemists who from a tradition from the earliest history to have profound powers. Most notably alchemists attempted to turn lead into gold.  In those days the alchemists never succeeded in their endeavor.  


Stunningly, Scientific American magazine states that modern scientists are indeed creating gold out of lead.  The problem is that it takes a procedure that involves a great deal of time, effort and money for a tiny amount of gold.   A scientist said, “It would cost more than one quadrillion dollars per ounce to produce gold by this experiment," The going rate at the time was about $560 for an ounce of gold.


What does that mean for relationships?  A lot of people go into relationships with the idea that they can change the other person to fit their personal needs, expectations, and goals.  

What is the cost? If you attempt to force someone into changing there will be an exorbitantly high cost with very little positive yield.  Not only that, but by not accepting your partner for who he or she is, you are in essence rejecting who they are—at least a part of them.  When you try to force someone into being something they are not you damage the relationship, and the damage will far outweigh the good you think you are doing.


My suggestions are:

  • Accept your partner for who he or she is, the complete package, the one you fell in love with. 

  • Accept that you both have different takes on the situations you find yourself in, and it  could be that your partner has a good point from his or her point of view.

  • If there is something you’d like in the relationship that you’re not currently getting—ask for it. Perhaps there is a way to compromise or barter for a change you’d like to see in the relationship. 

  • Don’t ask for change in someone else if you are not willing to change in some way too.

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© 2017 by Debra Crown. Thrive Clinical Counseling 214.843.7341